Those Words from A Dad That Saved Us when I became a New Dad

"In my view I was just in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good spot. You require assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to communicate between men, who still hold onto harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a display of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to take a pause - spending a few days overseas, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the language of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to things that don't help," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, tell a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their pain, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."